Spring



Hey y’all!

Happy Tuesday! With Spring just around the corner my little heart is just exploding with excitement! Its one of my favorite times of the year. As most of y’all know at this point I am obsessed with fresh flowers & pretty things, so Spring is an obvious fav in my book! Hello Peony season…..YES! The world is just renewed with new life & it just makes everything seem so hopeful and beautiful. Minus the pollen its basically a perfect scene!

Speaking of NEW I figured I would get just a little personal on this little space of internet I get to call my own. Maybe y’all have heard that Kyle and I have been struggling with infertility for the past two years. Its been the hardest thing we have ever had to face as a couple and really the most heartbreaking thing we have ever been through in our lives. I know I am just a small person in a big world but if I can make a difference in just one person’s life my job here is done! I feel called to share my experience and let you know that whatever your struggle is, you are not alone.

I went through an extremely dark time that I am honestly just now coming out of. It was a time of deep sorrow and despair. I felt like the world was crumbling around me and there was nobody left to lend a hand. I felt completely alone and abandoned by God. I felt like he had left me behind and didn’t care about what my heart was feeling. I didn’t want to go to church, I didn’t want to hangout with my friends, I didn’t want to to do what I love so much and I just felt completely broken. It took my husband, my family & closest friends and most importantly the help of my Savior to break through this sink hole that I was inevitably going down. We had just experienced the heartache of 3 failed IUI’s and two years of negative pregnancy test. It was one thing to not get pregnant on our own but when you invest more than just your time it gets really emotional. My husband had just started his new company back in early 2017 and we honestly didn’t know if we would have the money to take on the next step, IVF. I really felt completely hopeless. All I ever wanted was to become mother and it just wasn’t happening for us. Everyone around me that I love was able to start their families and I felt like an outsider. They were all focused on building their families and I was left feeling sad & alone. The happiness I felt for their growing families just couldn’t outweigh the desparetity that I was feeling and I just didn’t know what to do. One day I just hit my knees and asked my Father in Heaven to take away this pain, if it wasn’t going to happen for me than please just take away my desire to be a mother. Just let me be happy where I am, please dont make me suffer another day. Well my desire to be a mother was not taken away, but my will to push through was strengthened. Kyle and I talked it over with my doctor and we all felt that it was time to go forward with IVF. This was a HUGE step for us because A.) as silly as it sounds I am terrified of needles & IVF includes lots of those. and B.) It was a major financial burden to take on. We would have to sacrifice a lot to be able to afford this procedure. In that moment though, we both knew that this was exactly what we were supposed to do. All of my worries were (pretty much) taken away and I just knew that we were making the right decision. We are just at the beginning stages of this process but it all seems to be working out, even if for some reason this whole process doesn’t work for us I know that we are doing the right thing and the Lord will provide a way. I have learned that I cannot doubt the power of our Lord & Savior Jesus Christ. He  has shown me so many little miracles along the way & I was just too busy looking towards the big picture to stop and see the little blessing he put in my path along the way. It has been like a night & day difference since I turned to my Heavenly Father and I am beyond grateful for His love for me. I am finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and it looks so sweet! The weeks ahead are no doubt going to be tough but we are ready! I found this quote today that says ” Spring will come & so will happiness! Hold on, life will get warmer!”- Anita Krizzan. I am so excited for warmer days 🙂

To give y’all just a little day in the life of the IVF process I figured I would share what the next few weeks will bring!  I have been doing Lupron injections for the last week & a half and will continue those for a few more weeks. Lupron gives me awful headaches and make me pretty grumpy, but its all for a good cause! As soon as my cycle begins I will start the 10 day Stim Process and will be adding Follistem & Menapur & then Progesterone in Oil after that to my injection list. My egg retrieval ( if my schedual is correct) will be on the 12th & my transfer will be on the 17th. 10 days later we should know if baby Allphin is on the way or not. We will have many doctors appointments in between and I’m sure lots of anxiety and hopefulness but most of all excitement. This is not the way I had planned to start my family but I am so thankful for the gift of modern medicine so that we have this chance!

The Spring just seems like the perfect time to begin this IVF journey as it has the potential of turning into a new life. April Showers bring May flowers and I am so looking forward to that. Through all of the rain we have been through the past few years a beautiful flower will eventually bloom and our little family will be complete! I look forward to the day that I get to see my sweet hubs become a father, he is going to be the absolute best! Thank you so much for allowing me to share my deepest thoughts with y’all today. Your prayers and your love do not go unnoticed. We are so lucky to have so many wonderful people in our corner and I thank you so much for your kindness! We would love to hear from you, comment below!

xoxo

Amanda

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Shirt: Amazon

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Watch: Michael Kors

 

PS** I just had to give a shout out to my sweet best friends! Alexa & Hanna you have helped me thorough this more than you could ever know! I am blessed with your friendship and goodness gracious I’m ready for Alexa to get her bum back to Georgia ASAP! The fact that you can be by my side and never judge me in my selfish hours is such a gift to me! you two have such beautiful hearts and I love y’all bunches! And of course my sweet hubby, his support, love & strength is amazing to me! I am one lucky girl to have you by my side!


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2 thoughts on “Spring

  1. I love how open and honest you are with your feelings and your love of all things beautiful!!! You know how much you are loved by so many people in your life and we are praying for and Kyle to have success in starting your family. Love you guys so much!!!
    Mom

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